The Answer to Sandy Cohen's Life
by bashanbrunka
Summary: You see Sandy Cohen sitting here, a smile upon his face. The time has come, but he knows that it’s not too late. There’s been too many things that he has seen, its not that hard, if he starts to believe.


The Answer to Sandy Cohen's Life

Summary: You see Sandy Cohen sitting here, a smile upon his face. The time has come, but he knows that it's not too late. There's been too many things that he has seen, but he knows that it's not too late, if he starts to believe.

Dedication: to all those who know the true value of a Mickey Premium ice cream bar

ISITTODAY,ORISITTONIGHT?WE'LLFINDTHEANSWERTOOURLIFE.

To anyone else, today was just another ordinary Friday in Newport Beach, CA. But for Sandy Cohen, today was a day unlike any other day. He had been preparing for this day for weeks. He had eaten healthy, avoided carbohydrates and excessive sugar, he had exercised, and most importantly, he had spent copious hours preparing a perfect ensemble for the day. Having only placed the last Swarovski crystal on his custom made pair of jeans only the night before, Sandy Cohen knew his hard work had paid off. He was going to look totally hot today!

After dressing in his embellished jeans and hand spray painted tee complete with a maroon colored chicken, Sandy Cohen made his way to the bathroom to complete the final stages of his preparations for the day. He fussed with his hair to ensure that it was _just_ messy enough and added volumizing mascara to his eyebrows to ensure that they would stand out like sable beacons to everyone he saw today. Smiling with absolute glee he said proudly to his own image in the mirror, "Damn, Sandy Cohen, you are one sexy bitch!" Obviously pleased with himself, he began his trek down the hallway to visit his son, Seth Cohen. While normally Sandy Cohen's day would begin with reading the latest installment of Bop and then checking to see if his newest fic, "It's Tearing Up My Heart Because I Want It That Way," by his alias ThePerfectFan got any reviews, today was different. Even his fic, an epic tale of bridging the gap between his two favorite boybands by one perfect fan, could not distract him from today's colossal event that he, Seth Cohen, and Ryan Atwood would be experiencing.

"Seth Cohen! Why are you not dressed and ready in the clothing I laid out on you chair last night?" Sandy Cohen exclaimed as he found his child still quite asleep and not dressed in his own planned out diamond encrusted pantsuit. Seth Cohen, bewildered by being woken at 4am, as well as disturbed by Sandy Cohen's strange attire and the atrocious hugeness of Sandy Cohen's eyebrows, answered only with a look of what he hoped was deep felt loathing.

Sandy Cohen, however took no notice of the look and rolled his eyes in exasperation. Placing one hand on his hip, Sandy Cohen began to scold Seth Cohen for his refusal to cooperate with Sandy Cohen's plans for the day.

He shakes Seth Cohen violently and starts yelling in his ear, "You will not ruin today! Not the way you ruined Joey Fatone's premiere in Rent when you refused to fly to NYC with me! I missed Uncle Jesse, Justin, _and_ JC that night! This is not going to be another Virgin Megastore fiasco. You made me so late by refusing to get on that plane that I didn't even make it into the store to meet NSYNC when No Strings Attached came out or BSB when Never Gone came out!"

Seth Cohen responds, "Dad, this is getting ridiculous! Sure, I guess sleeping outside on the streets of New York at the Today Show could have been pretty cool, but there is no way I'm wearing diamond encrusted jeans and a trucker hat with 'Johnny Wright is my hero' embroidered on! You have got to calm down. First of all, we have a secret shrine to boy bands in our house that none of us can get into except you and Holly Fischer's dad. That is just plain weird!"

Pointing and waving his arms in distress, Sandy Cohen left the room in a huff, slamming the door behind him. Sandy Cohen shouts as he exits the room, "I can't believe this kid is my son! What is wrong with him? I'm almost as concerned for him as I was for Lance Bass when he was training in Russia to go to outer space!"

Angrily walking away from Seth Cohen's room and passing the lone guestroom, Sandy Cohen arrived at the door of the room that took up the entire rest of the upstairs of the home. Pulling a small skeleton key from his pocket, he carefully unlocked the door and stepped inside, closing the airtight, steel door behind him. Shelves and shelves of memorabilia gleamed from behind the shiny glass cases. He walked over to a shelf of Backstreet Boys Burger King collectible action figures which resided among NSYNC marionettes and Bobble Heads.

Sandy Cohen walked up to a Kevin Richardson toy and said, "Hello, Kevin Richardson, how are you today?" before dusting the Kevin Richardson figurine. Because no one else was allowed in the room, all maintenance and cleaning was up to Sandy Cohen.

He stepped back and admired his vast and prestigious collection. Though most of the walls were adorned with recreated gold and platinum records and framed pictures from concerts, appearances, and straight up adventures in stalking, Sandy Cohen's ten most prized possessions, life-sized pictures with each and every member of both NSYNC and the Backstreet Boys. Today he particularly enjoyed checking out his huge picture with him, Greg Fischer, and Lance Bass. They had snuck into the set of Seventh Heaven when their very own Lance Bass was a guest star and were able to take this great pic with him. All three looked amazing, next to the pulpit in Eric Camden's church, wearing aviator sunglasses. In a glass case in the middle of the room were two tickets to Siberia, so he and Greg Fischer could make their way to the land to which one of their favorite BSB songs is dedicated and finally fully understand what it means to have your _heart do time in Siberia_. Sandy Cohen was relieved to know his travel accessories were all in place and ready to go, so he left the room, bolting up the door and setting the alarm, before heading downstairs.

As he made his way out to the pool house to make sure Ryan had put on the custom swim trunks and wife beater he had purchased on Ebay, Sandy Cohen stomped angrily down the stairs and mumbled under his breath about people ruining the day he had been planning for almost three months.

Upon passing through the kitchen, Sandy Cohen saw the remnants of KiKi's last "Fresh Margs and Fake Chanel" parties. Various glues, tapes, and small labels were strewn about the countertop, mixed in with broken Target sunglasses and Margarita mix, and salt. KiKi herself was passed out on the couch with her head in Julie Cooper's lap. Both were wearing Disney Wold tees adorned with the words "The Happiest Celebration on Earth." The two had just returned from a weeklong trip to the Magic Kingdom to celebrate Julie's new manicurists birthday. Of course the manicurist was not invited along, but both KiKi and Julie Cooper promised to toast her over fresh margs in Mexico. Neither awoke as Sandy Cohen stomped through the kitchen, which was surprising given the loudness of his steps, and the fantastic amount of light that reflected off of his crystal covered denim. Sandy Cohen was still very upset at KiKi for not stopping on her way to getting her fresh margs in the Mexico pavilion at Epcot to check out the Leave a Legacy pictures that NSYNC left on the walls years ago. He could not believe she was the same KiKi who once enthusiastically clapped along, as he recreated the Pop Odyssey Tour by NSYNC in their living room Thanksgiving Day. KiKi seemed to have loved it when he crazy danced, in his JC Chasez tee. Sandy Cohen shook his head and exited the back door, which had been left wide open all night, of course.

Barging into the poolhouse, Sandy was greeted by the sight of Ryan Atwood in his pajamas that said "I Heart Hyenas" and had a huge pic of a laughing hyena sliding down elephant bones slides that KiKi had purchased for him from Disney World. Ryan Atwood, Mischa, and KFed were playing a rousing game of Candyland. Pissed that Ryan Atwood was not ready for the outing, as well as being sad that he was not invited to play the preschoolers game. Sandy Cohen marched over to the game board and sent all of the playing cards and the small people flying across the room. Mischa, disturbed by seeing her poor red player piece being treated in such a manner yet out a terrifying yelp and ran to retrieve it. Kfed, just pissed that the game was interrupted gave Sandy Cohen an angry look, but stood up, adjusted his manpris and walked out without a word to the stunned Ryan Atwood, or to Mischa who was applying a CareBear bandage to her playing piece to repair its "owie."

"Ryan! Why the hell aren't you ready for the show! It starts in less than an hour!" Sandy Cohen screamed as loud as his voice would go. He just couldn't understand how everyone could forget about his special day so easily. He had placed a large countdown board in each room of the home, which he updated every morning, and he had Blackberried all of them last night to remind them when to awaken and be prepared for departure the next day. Disheartened, Sandy Cohen burst into tears, his family had forgotten him. He was no longer important!

Though Ryan Atwood has seen some terrible things in his life, he was from Chino after all, he had never seen anything quite like this. A grown man in Swarovski encrusted jeans, a hand painted t-shirt with voluminous eyebrows crying so hard that his whole body shook tremendously. Ryan Atwood was conflicted over what to do. Should he comfort the disturbing looking Sandy Cohen? Should he run, and let Sandy Cohen console himself? Or should he try and remove the CareBear bandage from the red piece that Mischa was stroking lovingly? Ryan Atwood knew there was no easy option, so he walked out of the poolhouse and decided to eat some breakfast. Sandy Cohen stared at the retreating figure of Ryan Atwood and noted that the butt of his pajama pants said, "BE PREPARED!"

ANDWE'RENOTGONNATAKEANYMORECANWETRYTOERASEALLTHEPAIN?

After a solid half hour of sobbing, Sandy Cohen had calmed himself down and made his way to his destination for the day: the IMAX movie theatre. In the vehicle, he popped in his favorite CD, a bootleg recording he himself had created, of the Never Gone tour. As "Just Want You To Know" came to an end, his hands slid off the steering wheel as he mimicked the burst fireworks would create and screamed out, "boom!" in perfect synchronicity with the pyrotechnics taking place on the CD. He arrived at the IMAX and squealed in glee. He had arranged for the theatre to show a special presentation of one of his favorite films, NSYNC: Bigger Than Life. Though the theatre was delighted to accept his check for $100,000, they had only agreed to put on one show for Sandy Cohen, and only at a time when the theatre was not normally open. So here he was at 5am.

It had been a very exciting summer for Sandy Cohen so far. After hearing about the Backstreet Boys' reunion tour and album, Sandy had gone on a pop frenzy. He had torn apart the attic in search of the key that unlocked the door to his beloved pop museum. Soon the Cohen home was again filled to the brim with BSB and NSYNC tees, dolls, lunchboxes, and posters galore. It seemed that to Sandy Cohen, once the boys had come back, he knew he could never survive without them again. He was in a constant pop frenzy these days, singing the new BSB album for hours on end. And of course setting off fireworks in the back yard during "Just Want You to Know," and "Everybody" just to recreate the concerts he had seen on numerous occasions. To those who noticed his rejuvenate spirit, it seemed like Sandy Cohen had reverted to the Sandy they knew five years ago. Just a fun loving guy who adored a good NSYNC concert. And now, here he was again, waiting to see some of his favorite guys on a screen 16 meters high. After the Howie D boat tour in Toronto, Sandy Cohen thought he had done it all, he had actually met Howie D-his longtime hero! But, when he remembered the NSYNC IMAX experience, he knew he had to see it just one more time!

SHOWMEAREASONGIVEMEASIGNTELLMETHEWAYWEFALLOUTOFLINE 

As Sandy Cohen made his way into the theatre encumbered with his breakfast of popcorn and a chipwich he passed by Topanga who had personally arranged the show herself. He handed her a $100 bill to thank her for her troubles and then offered her a bootleg copy of the BSB concert he had taped last week in Atlantic City. He then began to think of the show he was about to see. He could hardly contain himself, he was just so excited! Finally, after all of this time he'd be able to see Joey Fatone, in larger than life size! As he looked around the empty theatre, and saw the big screen light up with the images of some of his favorite pop stars Sandy Cohen felt content. He opened up his Ziploc bag of unused glow sticks that he had purchased years ago at the Celebrity Tour to save for future use, and he then cracked one to life, loving the florescent green glow that emanated from the small stick. He felt like he'd found it; the answer to his life.

THE END!

Disclaimers: As always, we do not own the O.C., the place or the show. It's characters, their likenesses, or the actors that portray them. We will say, however, that the personalities portrayed by such characters in out stories do not reflect those of the actual "O.C." characters and these personalities will be claimed as our own. We cannot claim the rights to embellished jeans, Swarovski crystals, spray painted chickens, tees, sequined pantsuits, wifebeaters, or swim wear. We do not own the CareBears-but we do have the bandaids. We do not own a fake Chanel factory, nor a fresh margs factory. But, all references to such procedures can be found in our other story "Ginormous Sunglassing it up at the Wonka Factory," check it out! While we could have never thought of the brilliant phrase that is fresh margs, we do own a ringtone of KiKi screaming "fresh margs!" that we would appreciate you all not stealing. We don't own Holly Fischer's dad, NSYNC, BSB, Burger King, NSYNC marionettes, Seventh Heaven, church furniture, fireworks, The Today Show, Rent, Uncle Jesse, the Virgin Megastore, Ebay, life-size posters. We have no ownership over Siberia. We do not own Disney World, DisneyLand, Epcot, the Leave a Legacy pictures, the Magic Kingdom, The Lion King, hyenas, or the phrase "The Happiest Celebration on Earth," though we'd absolutely love to go back and say that phrase! We also don't own the line, "Be prepared," from the song, "Be Prepared," which a song that Scar sings with the hyenas. We do not own KFed or his manpris-though we know Kevin Richardson must have some somewhere. Candyland, its pieces, and all references to the game belong to the company that makes that wonderful game. We have no affiliation with IMAX theatres, films, or the foods served at those films. Topanga, money and all other things mentioned in this fic are property of other people/corporations, so please don't sue; we're only worth 10 pennies each!


End file.
